I can see this unraveling

Conrad Hotel, Miami.

Familiar blues...

Woodstock, NY.

into the light of the dark black night

For months, this whole thing has seemed like some distant dream. It was always there, getting closer and closer, but it's like there was a fun house mirror in front of me, distorting time and space and distracting me from a crucial fact...I'm going to France for 7 months. And it all finally hits me. Tomorrow evening I will be on a plane, speeding away from everything I know. Adventure, like some dark bird, clutches my heart in its talons.

Don't forget me, OK?

it's too quiet in here/make it all disappear

House of Blues. 16 September

Do you want to know a secret? (Ooh wah ooh) I love the color green. Anyway, I met Sharon at Downtown Disney today for lunch and walking around and yakkety yakking. Melissa actually came with me, which I didn't think she would do. We met in front of the House of Blues and I bought my dad a Blues Brothers T-Shirt from their store since that movie is one of his many obsessions and I couldn't resist. It's pretty bitchin'.

Bitchin' t-shirt

Sharon filled me in on everything that's going on in her life. I'm proud of her for making difficult decisions now for the sake of a happier future. She's strong. It was nice to talk about myself too and what it will be like teaching in France. Sometimes I don't realize how much I keep in my head until it floods out and I can feel it become real with the shape and the sound of the words. We also talked about Melissa's plan to study in Japan starting in January. I really hope it works out for her. That would such an amazing opportunity and I think she needs to get away from here for a while. This is a nowhere place.

Adorable cactus dogs (images from tokidoki)

Bought these little guys for Melissa and I, so we each have one while we're an ocean apart. I'm seriously going to miss my sister ): I hope she can afford to visit me during the holiday break. And my mom, too. I guess we'll see. I haven't even decided if I'm going to come home or not for those two weeks in December. It might not be worth it to spend the money and any home sickness it relieves will probably just end up worse than before. Plus, I hear Alsace is especially beautiful at Christmastime. Again, we'll see.

skeleton nerves

I woke up feeling like this:

"...I shake my wrist so that the skeletons on my charm bracelet do their bone jig...I know what Weetzie meant about her nerves and the skeletons."

-Francesca Lia Block, Missing Angel Juan

I finally made my packing list, but I still haven't even attempted to sort and/or pack things. I think I'll just wait for my mom to get home so she can help me and keep me from freaking out. I got in touch with the girl who was the English assistant last year at my French high school. She answered a lot of my questions and confirmed many of my suspicions. Mulhouse is not the most happening place, it seems, but I am quite good at finding my own fun, particularly because the things I find fun are not necessarily super exciting (taking pictures, reading, watching movies, doing crossword puzzles, etc.) She said if she had it to do over again, she might not have lived in the boarding quarters since the school is a 10-minute ride from the center of the city. But it's SO CHEAP I don't think I can pass it up. I'd rather have money for traveling and endless cups of coffee.
I'm meeting Sharon at Downtown Disney tomorrow for lunch and hanging out. I'm sad that things didn't work out the way she'd hoped, but at least we get a chance to chill one more time before I leave. I sincerely hope she finds her way.
Listening to the new A Fine Frenzy album (Bomb in a Birdcage). It's really excellent. I recommend it! Aside from that I'm pretty much obsessed with the new Broadway cast recording of Hair thanks to my dear cousin (Thanks, Pauly!).
I have Sunshine Cleaning from Netflix to watch. Yesterday I watched The Black Dahlia, which was preeeeetty awful. It sucks that I can't even use the Watch Instantly feature of Netflix while I'm in France. I guess I'll have to find another way!
I guess I'm gonna make something for lunch.

-S

I made a new header because generic things are suckish. Since I don't have Photoshop, I pulled out my MS PAINT skills! I used a photo I took in Paris like four years ago. Hopefully I'll be able to make a better one at some point...since this is not exactly the epitome of quality web graphics.

10

Walking in space

We find the purpose of peace
The beauty of life
You can no longer hide...

I just wanted to set this up and test it out. I hope I'll update it at least somewhat consistently while in France...I'll certainly have plenty of free time. I haven't been thinking too much about leaving, but making this blog actually sent the waves of worry crashing over me...I'm pretty nauseous right now. The thing is, I'm confident in my teaching skills and for the most part in my French and I know that only continued practice will improve either. I love to explore and see new things and I'm pretty independent most of the time, so I'm not really worried about being alone or being in a different place. I'm mostly just afraid of how much I'll miss my family. And of the possibility of being very lonely. I won't be able to get too lonely, though, since I'm sharing living space with at least one other assistant. I'll be living in the school's boarding quarters. I'm under the impression that I'll have my own bedroom but that I'll be sharing a kitchen and bathroom with the German assistant and possibly a Chinese assistant (who apparently won't even be teaching at my school). All I know is that it's SUPER CHEAP (80 euro/month) so that means I'll have more money for traveling and making my room look less prison-y (I can only assume it will be quite prison-y in appearance). Basically I want to improve my French conversational skills, see what it's like to live in another country, wander around, explore, and take pictures of everything. I'm excited that Mulhouse has a cool zoo (parc zoologique) with animals and gardens and other things that I like. I'm hoping I can walk most places and I'm dying to take trains and watch the world pass me by.
I'm leaving in 10 days. I have packed nothing! Thankfully the dress "code" at the school is super casual. So I can just wear my usual t-shirt and skirt combo and add on a cardigan if it's cold or if I'm feeling particularly fancy. I've got two pairs of boots to take also since winter will bring snow. Snow! O, how I've missed thee. I'm trying to figure out in my head how to pack as little as possible while still remaining prepared for anything. I'm optimistic about going and being and doing. I'm lucky that I'll be able to stay in touch via facebook and aim and skype and this dear little blog. It won't be the same as face-to-face. But this is life, it seems. Moving on and being brave.

From Episode 2, Season 4 of Gilmore Girls ("The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"):

Rory: Why don't I want you to go?! This is your fault! You made me such a momma's girl! Why don't I hate you! Say something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?